Hello world,

Finally a new entry huh. It's been a while. I've logged in this blog like 100 times but never finished writing anything. I've become so impatient with myself that..

"god, I loathe myself"

So much has happened. I've become part-time and currenlty working at 2 jobs. The new job is very exciting with new ideas, new plans, and new promises, so much to learn, so much to do, but so is the old one. And the current biggest challenge is to manage my time right, be more efficient so something gets done in the middle of all my juggling.

I started playing tennis again. Although only 2 times a week, it really helps keep me physically active.. all the sweats was worth the money :D.. and of course noone can live without music, i'm taking guitar lessons. Cool huh? :) I'm so excited about this and determined to practice until I can play and sing many songs at the same time. I was thinking about taking dance classes again, but changed my mind and chose guitar instead. I think it's the right choice. Knowing how to play an instrument has always been a dream... Time to make it come true.

Love. Relationship. Headache as always. Never thought 3 messages a day is all it takes to keep a relationship going. Sounds pathetic right? Love is blind, and "pathetic" doesn't come close to define this relationship. Anyways, this is too public to talk about that relationship so I'll save that for another entry, when everything's over.

being with you means being alone

it's been a while since I updated this blog.. yesterday a friend told me he visited this blog and it reminded me that I still have a place to let stuff out without worrying too much what people think because they rarely find out about it :)

a small surprise after logging in- I have a follower.. thanks to my sweet shortie foxie - a shout out to you whenever you read this :)

Life hasn't been easy.. I guess that's something everyone can say.. but for me, it's been confusingly uneasy.. don't know if I went to hell or gone to heaven.. Sometimes I'm very happy and confident, sometimes I can get very depressed and just want to be gone. Extremely moody, I know.. It's not new.. What's new is I'm running from my struggles. Skip classes for work, then use friends and acquaintances to get away from work, and go on with an affair to get away from family. Sleep-deprived. Unfocused. Out of balance. Lack of exercise.

I have to say I came back home for so many reasons but none of them was to be emotionally challenged. I know I'm gonna get thru this alive.. just don't know how to keep my sanity. Hope i'll never get bored of FRIENDS.. it's like the best show ever.. to make me relax and take it easy.

Ephemeral - SM pt. 1

So he left to go back to the real world, while i sat there wait for my turn. We fell into another world in which there was only me and him, and we would sit there forever, just to wait for the Moon to go down and the Sun to rise up slowly behind those clouds. We enjoy seeing the nature's transformation between darkness and light right in front of our eyes with all its shades while we talk slowly about nothingness to watch the movement of our lips. We would be swallowing every drop of the breathing present and get lost among time and space as we find ourselves separated from the crowded human world, relaxed and comfortable enough to enjoy the freshness of the light, the wind, and the very morning in that ephemeral peaceful excitement.

It's time for me to go back to reality, which is not so bad either. I still get to see him, only from a different light.. Maybe not golden, but everyday, I take my time to know him a little bit more, appreciate our every interaction a little bit more, and fall a bit more in love. I have been falling in love with superman for a long time but it doesn't feel any older.. Whenever we're together, I still feel nervous and say stupid things too often and ruin the rare little moments we have...