i've been acting out. i know that and i hate myself for being dramatic, moody, and uncontrolable. I'm hitting desperate depression again. I went out on a date last week and found no fun at all. I've been in this relationship for a few months now and totally sucked into it. I put others on hold for a guy who always says the right thing at the right time, however too insensitive to realize any cruelty in his words. I accepted the situation and tried to make the most out of it... but i know i have to stop at some point and move on, and maybe that point is NOW as we're getting tired of each other. It's just that.. i still like him. Most of the time, my feelings just keep me going.. but other times, when i can be realistic for a minute, knowing i'm running toward a dead-end, I feel like a lost kid that is going thru her first crush or crash... I need to grow out of this relationship and move on with my life.
sometimes i wish you could be here and pull me out of this. but again, i should do it for myself... no need to be rescued as never did and never will.. let's hope that physical illness gives me a chance to stop, reflect... and move on
