broken

emotional distress easily leads to physical sickness.. 

i've been acting out. i know that and i hate myself for being dramatic, moody, and uncontrolable. I'm hitting desperate depression again. I went out on a date last week and found no fun at all. I've been in this relationship for a few months now and totally sucked into it. I put others on hold for a guy who always says the right thing at the right time, however too insensitive to realize any cruelty in his words. I accepted the situation and tried to make the most out of it... but i know i have to stop at some point and move on, and maybe that point is NOW as we're getting tired of each other. It's just that.. i still like him. Most of the time, my feelings just keep me going.. but other times, when i can be realistic for a minute, knowing i'm running toward a dead-end, I feel like a lost kid that is going thru her first crush or crash... I need to grow out of this relationship and move on with my life.

sometimes i wish you could be here and pull me out of this. but again, i should do it for myself... no need to be rescued as never did and never will.. let's hope that physical illness gives me a chance to stop, reflect... and move on

I had an amazing getaway to Vung Tau last weekend. Me & my team had so much fun.. and i'm not ashamed to say that we went a little wild also =)). My voice is all hoarse now. I only slept for 3 hours and a little more in the car on the way back, but Mom said i didn't look as tired as trips usually make me. I have been exhausted from work for a while now, and it was the first time I got to completely relax, forget everything and enjoy others' company. Gotta thank my team so much for organizing and participating in this trip.

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$449/year is such a goooood deal for gym membershi

p at California Wow. However, I know me -not a gym person. If I do sign up, it's all for the Yoga and group classes. I'm thinking of signing Mom up too... but not sure if i have the budget for both of us.... :-<>

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Just got Gossip Girl season 2 in DVDs... and been watching it non-stop :) chuck & blair the drama the game the start the end... all so addictive.. Blair is ridiculously beautiful :x and Chuck is British.. how could I not realize that mysterious and high-class style is nowhere close to casual American

now

I miss the States sometimes. As a night owl, how could you not love the available options of grocery shopping, renting movies, & getting coffee at 11:30pm. Still, I can't imagine going back there to live. At one point, it was a party-nonstop relationship-unstable friends-and-dramas-surrounded kinda life. Time has passed. "This ship has sailed :P." Wonder why I'm not interested in going out... or taking pictures with friends in coffee shops, looking pretty in meaningless photos. Now all I care about is work (and you*), a little too much sometimes, but that's ok. Still trying to draw a career map for myself.. and figure out where to go from here.. and it's getting quite interesting. I never felt so productive before. 9 months of full-time working helped me realize that I can do so much for people, and at the same time learn so much from them. Time is of the essence.. and it shouldn't be wasted.

*You, my hero. I'm sick of being tied to you, sick of pretension, sick of being afraid of reality, and sick of your escaladed closeness and attention, sick of being understood and being seen through. But without you and this rediculous distress, what is life for?

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dạo này tuần nào cũng có hoa :x I rarely like yellow flowers, but these are just lovely :x it is so true that "there is no ugly color, only ugly color combination" :)

Circus

Rain just made a hit-and-run to the city. The weekend, which seems to be more stressful than weekdays lately, is even more upsetting with the heavy sudden rain. My sickness locked me in bed for the whole Saturday. It has turned to be like a ritual after every exhausting workweek when my feet become as heavy as my heart.

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I've been falling asleep on the Rachel Maddow show podcast, and probably text messages, too. Not because they're not interesting but because they're such comfortable supper.

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It has always been on my mind - the dreaded question of what occupation fits me best. Until now, my guess is sales or product. Sometimes, when looking at Marketing people, designers & writers, I wish I could be one of them - free my mind and fly with creativity and emotions. However, logics and practicality always seem to win eventually. Maybe I can find harmony in HR... who knows..

--
Circus has leaked. The album sounds amazing. B is gonna rock it with a big tour that combines both the Blackout & Circus albums. The peaks of Circus MV look smokin' hot!!!

the other life

I met up with the gals the other day. After dinner, we went for drinks. We all did, except only 1 of us actually drank something. Anyways, it was good to catch up with them and take a walk down the memory lane of my previous life. It feels good to be close to friends. I kinda lost that feeling over the recent months because of... whatever BS i got in my head. Really. No excuse is good enough for losing touch with people.

I just recognized winter in this 2-season-dry-or-rain city on Wednesday night.. when i was going home around 11-ish. The wind was winter-cold. Even today on my way to work, the sky has never looked so soft at noon. Rain has stopped for good now I hope. I heart the holiday season here. Full of warmth. My first holiday season where I'm full-time working so I'm planning to gift all my family.

Just started another dance class today. Hope to keep it up for long this time. A reason to get me out of the office early and a good way to be more physically active.

Shopping? Haven't done much of that lately due to the Economic downturn (naviworks inside joke). However, will go browsing shoes this weekend. Needing more pumps. After months of struggling with sandals, I'm officially over them now.

$43 Charles & Keith

with us..

my excuse was my long time starvation for attention. now i'm buried in guilty joy, doubts and confusion. Seems like life never stops its game. Seems like i'm always a kid that gets lost every time encountered with new feelings & relationships.

Compared with others, this is surprisingly easy, yet most outrageous and unacceptable. The safety and comfort comes from knowing everything there is to know. On the other hand, desperation from an obviously unchangeable situation leaves me out of breath sometimes. Look at me all happy - far from the truth. But fortunately i can still see my glass half full, not half empty.

Long way to salvation i cry. still in hopes that this relationship will open my eyes to new horizons of love... and push me to change.

short hair, anyone?

Given my new hair cut since August and the 2008 trend of various types of short hair, let's see what is out there..

Katie's sassy bob goes well with sophisticated make-up to give a mature yet youthful look. Careful with the bang if you try this style. You might end up looking like a kindergarten kid with a short bang.
You've gotta give Vic credits for taking the lead in having edgy short hairs since last year. Along with her husband, Vic's blond reinvented bob rocked the W issue.

Rihanna's hair seems to get shorter and shorter every time I see a new video of her, probably because short hair works way better for her face structure. "She pulls off a great execution of an asymmetrical bob for more ethnic textured hair." (thecuttingchair.com)

These short cuts look great; however, I only recommend short hairs for people who either have perfect hair (thick & smooth) or love to use hair products, since they're harder to style and a straight short bob day after day is just boring.

cheers to new adventures...

P is leaving to Aus again. I never had a chance to see her off so I'm planning to do it this time.. the way that it was supposed to be done between us for years - a hand-written letter, a small gift, and waving hands at the airport until the gate closes. It's wonderful that she has this chance to depart to another adventure of finding herself, what she could become and embrace her future. The truth is, it's been 10 years and we haven't changed much. We are still as confused about ourselves and our future as we were in junior high - however just keep fighting with a belief that the best is yet to come. In the meantime, we're taking advantage of our opportunities to progress, change, and learn..

music

4 new albums that are ranking top on my ipod, respectively:

Original Release Date: April 8, 2008

Label: J-Records
Genre: Contemporary R&B, Pop

Original Release Date: September 23, 2008
Label: Interscope Records
Genre: Dance Pop, R&B


Original Release Date: October 7, 2008

Label: Sony
Genre: Soul, Gospel, Dance Pop

Original Release Date: May 27, 2008
Label: Jive
Genre: R&B, Hip-hop & Rap

Energy

I was sitting there by myself. It was so quiet that it made me stop and look around for a moment. Nobody was there except me and Leona Lewis singing on my ipod. And in that one little moment, I wondered why I was here, doing these things, so tirelessly. I even felt all the "what-if" thoughts running thru my head, and I never like those non-sense "what-if" wondering.

Sometimes it's awakening to have those sudden realization of life dissatisfaction that make you wonder about everything you do - what's the point of trying so hard at everything if you're not happy? And you just want to lay down and die.

In this past week, or the past 3 days exactly, I felt like all of my energy was stripped off. Probably because of my continuous lack of sleep + lack of exercise + lack of... It was pretty normal to be stressed out and overloaded with work, but it's another thing to be depressed. Shopping doesn't help anymore, and loneliness is palpable. And when the worst comes, you always get back to basics.. She is back with a new single called "Womanizer" - not that this new song can pull me out of depression, but watching one of her old amazing live performances can always give me the boost.

SuNdAy ^o^

Nothing out of ordinary. Sleep late. Rain. Wandering online. Stuffed with home food. Shop a little with Mom. Ditch friends for some more sleep. To me, Sunday is nothing but a horizontal life when I allow myself to do nothing else but lying awake in bed; when my "hang-over" usually starts to kick in after an overwhelming week of 12-hour work-days.

Me & Mom's bdays are coming up next week and we're taking Friday off to have a long weekend full of relaxation on the beach.

Gifts. Mom likes a bag from Esprit which picture can't be found anywhere online. I think it's not that special, but cute; so there's my gift for Ma. For me, I will indulge myself with an expensive and unnecessary purchase of the plum hydro-powder eye-shadow by Shiseido. The color is not illustrated in this picture but you get the idea.

$23 Hydro-Powder Eye Shadow by Shiseido

Cutout Booties

I'm currently searching for one of these cutout booties. They are perfect for Fall and Winter... with their dramatic look which somehow effortlessly composes a difficult combination of sexy and sophisticated.

$405 Inka Cutout Peep Toe Bootie by Claudia Ciuti

$538 Metallic Ankle Buckle High Heel Sandal by Camilla Skovgaard

What is in your bag?

What is in my bag? Beside a purse that is stuffed with cards and a little money, my cell phone, dental floss, drops for contact lens, and my little usb memory, I usually carry...

Beeswax Lip Balm by Burt's Bees.

Get it for $5.25 at Amazon.com. This is GREAT GREAT GREAT as it is the only thing that works for my permanently dried lips.

$22.50 Sheer Gloss Lipstick (S2) from Shiseido

This is the most popular lipstick that is sold by Shiseido in Saigon as I have heard. High-quality and moisturize your lips so you don't have to worry about any damage when use everyday. The color (S2-clear orange) is neutral & fresh. It fits all ages and make you look lively without overdoing it like some other lipsticks.

$7 Thermal Spa Water by Vichy

You can buy a smaller size and put it in your bag. Spray this on your face in the middle of the day to feel refreshed and waken up without actually washing it.

$35 SUNGLASSES P.. MIAMI C by Mango; except mine is black, not white :)

necklace is a charmer

I love to accessorize with different types of necklace - whatever it's made of (silver, stones, white gold, ect..) Like all girls, I have my own collection - from cheap to expensive stuff, but it's never enough. Different with bracelets which I think most of the time, are better bold, necklaces should be small and delicate. I hate it when people let the big necklaces wear them. Here are some charmers on my wish list right now...

$18 Multi Tasker Necklace from Roxy

$15.50 Peace Charm from American Eagle


$89.99 Crystal Necklace of Arwen by Lord of The Rings

stop purplizing everything

i'm sick of people wearing purple all the time... everywhere everytime i turn around, there it is - the color only works if you know how to sprinkle it on you, not shower it.

I bet one day people will look back and wonder what they were thinking wearing this color all over them...

headbands

I found a new interest - headbands, since my hair was cut short and curled :) also since I started watching Gossip Girl and Lipstick Jungle.. You can almost never can catch Blair without one, and Victory Ford looks absolutely chic in a headband.

a scene from Gossip Girl where EVERYONE wears a headband

gorgeous Victory Ford in her signature red headband

I just got myself a similar red one from Evita Peron at a sweet 70%-off price (from 9 hundred something to 290k) at Parkson :). Beside, I also got a super cute dark purple one at 30% off. The thing about Evita headband is that you feel nothing when you wear them - extremely comfortable, yet they stick to your hair and not fall down like other cheap stuff.

missing Victoria Secret :(

The thing I miss most from the States? I don't want to say shopping, but definitely the variety it has - basically every brand name, every store, everywhere.

5-for-$25 panties from VS is one of my most favorite, just wish someone could buy these and bring them to VN for me. If Singapore doesn't yet have a VS store, when will Vietnam do?